The Burden of High Expectations in Childhood: Finding Yourself in Adulthood

Have you ever wondered how phrases like "You can do better" or "You have to be the best" have affected your life? Many parents, wanting only the best, orient their children towards high results and external achievements. However, such expectations can turn into an invisible burden that we carry into adulthood. Insecurity, a constant striving for the ideal, or fear of making mistakes are just a few of the consequences of such upbringing. In this article, we will examine how inflated expectations shape us and how to get rid of their influence in order to finally find harmony with ourselves.

The Echo of Upbringing: How Parental Expectations Affect Our Future

Feeling of insecurity

When in childhood we were valued mainly for high results, we could subconsciously tie our self-esteem to these achievements. In adulthood, this can manifest as:

• Fear of failure. At times, a simple desire to try something new causes panic, because the risk of making a mistake seems too great.
• Perfectionism. We try to be perfect in everything, often to the detriment of our health and peace of mind.

Dependence on external approval

From childhood, when our "value" was measured by parental praise for success, we learn to seek approval not within ourselves, but from the outside. As a result:

• We constantly compare ourselves with others. Colleagues, friends, even casual acquaintances become our involuntary "rivals."
• We find it difficult to accept compliments. Often we consider them an exaggeration or simply do not believe that they are sincere.

Loss of personal landmarks

Growing up with expectations that our dreams should meet someone else's standards, we can move away from our own desires. This is manifested as:

• Feeling of emptiness. Even achieving great success, we can feel internal dissatisfaction, as if we are missing something real.
• Difficulty in setting goals. When you are used to focusing on other people's expectations, it is difficult to understand what you really want for yourself.

How to find your way, leaving other people's expectations behind

• Develop self-reflection. Ask yourself: what makes me happy? Does what I strive for correspond to my true desires?
• Set your own goals. Write a list of things you want to do or learn, regardless of what others think about it.
• Allow yourself to make mistakes. Learn to perceive mistakes as part of growth. They do not diminish your value, but only make you stronger.
• Surround yourself with support. Find people who value you as you are and help you discover your best qualities. These can be friends, family, or a psychologist.

A childhood with high demands can leave a deep mark on adult life. However, this influence is not a verdict. It is important to learn to accept yourself, set your own goals and separate your value from achievements. Our strength lies in the ability to change our thoughts and patterns of behavior, even if they are embedded in the past. Let go of other people's expectations, allow yourself to make mistakes and enjoy your successes. And remember: your happiness is the best gift for you and those who love you.