Setting Boundaries: Protecting Your Personal Space

Do you feel like you are constantly surrounded by people who want something from you? At work, colleagues dump their responsibilities on you, at home, parents constantly demand something, and friends continuously need your attention or help? Does it seem to you that everyone around you expects something from you, but no one appreciates your efforts?

If you answered "yes" to at least one of these questions, then your personal boundaries are likely violated.

What are Personal Boundaries?

Personal boundaries are invisible lines that we draw around ourselves to protect our physical and emotional space. They determine how close we let other people come to us, what information we share, and what level of control we have over our lives.

There are Four Main Types of Personal Boundaries:

• Physical Boundaries: This is our personal space that we don't want others to violate. This may include things like touches, hugs, kisses, as well as using our belongings without permission.
• Emotional Boundaries: This is how we share our feelings and emotions with others. This includes how openly we talk about our experiences, how receptive we are to the emotions of other people, as well as how much we allow other people to affect our mood.
• Mental Boundaries: This is how we treat our thoughts, beliefs, and values. This includes how willing we are to discuss them with others, how receptive we are to criticism, as well as how much we allow other people to influence our opinion of ourselves.
• Sexual Boundaries: This is our comfort regarding physical touch and sexual intimacy. This includes who we want to have sexual relations with, what actions we like and dislike, as well as how willing we are to share our sexuality with others.

Why are Personal Boundaries Important?

They are extremely important because they:

• Give a Sense of Control over Your Life: You decide who to communicate with, when and how.
• Protect from Exploitation: You do not allow other people to use you or force you to do something you don't like.
• Maintain Mental and Emotional Health: Clear boundaries help you avoid stress, anxiety, and burnout.
• Help Build Healthy Relationships: When you respect your own boundaries and the boundaries of other people, it promotes trust and mutual understanding.

Some people may not realize that they are violating your boundaries when they ask for help or share their thoughts and feelings. Someone intentionally manipulates you. And sometimes the reason is your excessive kindness or politeness, which simply does not allow you to say "no."

How to Protect Yourself?

• Define Your Boundaries: What are you willing to do, and what are you not? What are your priorities? Calmly explain them to others. Use firm but respectful wording, for example: "I am uncomfortable when...", "I don't want to...", "I ask you to...".
• Learn to Say "No": It is not selfish, but perfectly normal to put your needs first. You do not need to make excuses or explain the reasons for your refusal. The world is waiting for your clear and concise "no."
• Be Firm in Your Boundaries: If a person insists, make it clear that you will not change your mind.
• Don't be Afraid of Conflicts: Sometimes conflicts are inevitable, but it is normal to stand up for yourself. If a person continues to violate your boundaries, explain to them what the consequences will be: limiting communication, refusing joint plans, or even ending the relationship.
• Don't Feel Guilty: You are not obligated to do what you don't like or what burdens you, because it is simply harmful to you.
• Seek Support: Talk to friends, family members, or a psychotherapist about how you feel.

Remember, you have the power to change the situation. You deserve to be respected and valued. Believe in yourself and don't give up!