How to Deal with a "Disobedient" Child: Understanding and Managing Anger

"Disobedience" in children is a common problem nowadays, with many parents complaining that their child does not listen to them without raising their voice. And many parents feel guilty for the aggression they have shown.

However, anger is a normal, natural emotion. It serves to protect: personality, our interests, integrity, and boundaries. When there is a conflict of interest and someone's boundaries are violated - feeling anger is absolutely normal.

However, according to modern parents, being angry with a child is bad. Often this emotion is displaced, accumulated, and then erupts uncontrollably. Or parents endure the violation of their personal boundaries for a long time, and the child feels their permissiveness and impunity.

Anger is not always screams, fights, and something painful. It serves to change the situation: sometimes it's just to say to the child clearly and confidently "no," without falling into guilt and shame.

In addition, it is worth thinking about the fact that, perhaps, in this way the child is seeking your attention - albeit negative. And then the only way to break this vicious circle is to change your behavior and your reactions to their behavior. Over time, not receiving the desired scolding, the daughter will begin to behave differently.

What Can Be Done

• Allow yourself to be angry. By accepting your anger, you can learn to control it.
• Clearly define the rules in the family: what can and cannot be done by the child and you as parents. Follow these rules.
• Mark your personal boundaries and do not allow the child to violate them.
• Try to become an authority for the child.
• Give them more attention.
• Observe at what moments the child pretends not to understand you.
• Try to talk to them calmly and kindly.
• Find something that will help you relieve excess tension and be more accepting of the child.

Aggression is not always bad. This is an opportunity to adjust relationships, including with the child, in such a way that everyone is comfortable.