How to Reconnect with Yourself and Discover What You Truly Want
Ever wondered how to reconnect with yourself and figure out what you truly desire? Sometimes, people struggle to find an activity they love and end up abandoning it halfway. This applies to both work and hobbies. One day, you might sign up for a manicure course, only to realize two weeks later it’s not your cup of tea. Or perhaps you’re on a quest for an engaging hobby, but neither yoga, dancing, nor playing an instrument inspires you to get off the couch. Is this a problem? Ellina Ilyinykh, a psychologist from the “Unbroken” Center at the Masha Foundation, explains why we start things and don’t finish them, whether it’s worth pushing through, and how to uncover what genuinely excites us.
First off, the psychologist emphasizes that in adulthood, it’s perfectly normal to dive into a new hobby, course, or sport and step away when the spark fades. There’s no need to beat yourself up over a lack of discipline. How else will you discover what lights you up if you don’t give it a try?
“When someone is constantly searching for themselves, starting something only to drop it soon after, it points to a disconnect with their inner self. It’s time to pause and tune into your own goals and dreams, rather than chasing someone else’s. This might stem from childhood. We all crave love and acceptance, so we often ignore our true inner voice and desires, opting instead for what’s trendy or popular. Take psychotherapy, for instance—many clients seek it out simply because a friend has a therapist, and they want to give it a shot too,” says Ellina Ilyinykh.
To reconnect with your inner self and find what resonates, consider asking yourself these questions:
Is My External Reality Supportive?
Ask yourself: Do I have the time to attend, say, guitar lessons? Can I afford it? Is the music school too far, making it a hassle to get there? All these factors influence your willingness to stick with something new.
Is My Inner Reality Aligned?
Reflect with questions like: “Do I want this?” “Can I do it?” “What do I think about it?” For example, you might want to play the guitar and even own one. But when you dig deeper into why, you realize there’s no clear purpose. A thought might creep in: “The guitar’s a frivolous pursuit—I don’t have time for nonsense.”
What Emotions Does This Stir in Me?
Examine how you feel when you start something new. Does it tighten your chest and hold you back? Or maybe you feel disheartened because it’s not clicking as quickly as you’d hoped.
What Meaning Does This Hold for Me?
Define your purpose. Why do you want to take up a course or shed 10 kilos? A clear goal keeps you moving forward.
How Do I See Myself?
What’s your self-image when you try something new? Perhaps childhood biases still linger, quietly sabotaging your efforts to pursue what you enjoy.
Am I Taking Action?
What concrete steps have you taken? Are you actively working toward your goal, or just daydreaming about it? Be honest with yourself.
If you feel like you’re dragging yourself to the gym, strumming a guitar, or attending classes out of obligation, don’t be afraid to let it go and explore something else. When you stumble upon what’s truly YOURS, you’ll know. You’ll look forward to showing up (even when you’re wiped out), take pride in your progress, and notice the changes blooming within you.
