Psychological Abuse: Beyond Insults and Swear Words
Domestic violence isn’t confined to physical blows. Often, it takes subtler, yet no less damaging forms—like harsh words, belittling remarks, accusations, or dismissal of someone’s worth. These can wound more deeply than a shove or a slap, leaving a person doubting themselves and too afraid to escape a toxic dynamic. How do we spot psychological abuse and stop it in its tracks? As part of Ukraine’s “16 Days Against Violence” campaign, a psychologist from the Masha Foundation sheds light on this hidden harm.
Signs of Psychological Abuse
“Psychological abuse is a type of domestic violence where the abuser wields verbal attacks, threats, humiliation, stalking, or intimidation,” explains Yulia Halahan, a psychologist at the Nezlamna Center. “It’s about seizing control over someone’s life and boosting their own ego in the process. Even silence or inaction can be a weapon—neglect is abuse too.” She adds that psychological pressure often paves the way for other forms, like economic or physical violence, once the desired dominance isn’t achieved.
A one-off family spat, a stray insult, or recurring arguments don’t necessarily qualify as psychological abuse. It’s deliberate—a pattern of exploiting power to dominate another person. Here’s how it shows up:
- Control: The abuser dictates your choices—your job, your friends, even your wardrobe.
- Devaluation: You’re hit with profanity, insults, or mockery meant to inflict emotional pain.
- Ignoring: Your needs are brushed aside or treated as invisible—a quiet punishment.
- Isolation: You’re cut off from others, barred from work or studies.
- Stalking: Whether in person or online, they track you, using threats or blackmail to get their way.
Victims might hear phrases like “It’s your fault,” “You provoked me,” “You’re imagining things,” “You’re crazy,” or “That never happened.” The abuser might spin a version of events that clashes with your memory. This is gaslighting—a tactic to make you question your grip on reality.
Parents, too, can wield psychological abuse over their children, often cloaking it as discipline or wisdom with lines like “I know best—I’m older.” Unaware of the harm, they contribute to a staggering statistic: 45% of psychological abuse victims are children, the highest among all its forms.
How to Tell If You’re a Victim
“An abuser might lash out or raise their voice when something doesn’t suit them,” says Yulia Halahan. “To avoid this, the victim smooths over tensions, molding their life to fit the aggressor’s whims.” Living in constant strain, they can’t relax or be themselves around the abuser—a glaring red flag of psychological violence at home.
This abuse often follows a cycle:
- Rising Tension: The air grows heavy with unease.
- The Act: Abuse strikes, verbal or otherwise.
- Truce: A phase of apparent remorse might follow.
- Honeymoon: The abuser plays their best self—think flowers or gifts.
But the calm doesn’t last. Tension creeps back, and over time, the peaceful stretches shrink while the abusive phase stretches wider.
The Fallout of Psychological Abuse
Relentless criticism, taunts, and threats take a toll on emotional well-being. Victims may grapple with crumbling self-worth, feelings of inadequacy, depression, anxiety, or even post-traumatic stress. The strain doesn’t stop there—chronic stress, fear, and self-doubt can spark physical woes like headaches, sleep troubles, appetite changes, and a weakened immune system.
Escaping the Trap
When you’re tangled up with an abuser, spotting the harm yourself can be tricky. But if you feel weighed down and in need of help, don’t keep it quiet. Yulia Halahan from the Nezlamna Center offers these steps:
- Seek Experts: Psychologists, therapists, or lawyers can help you identify abuse and build a response.
- Set Your Limits: You deserve respect, dignity, and safety—make it clear when those are crossed.
- Speak Up: Share your story with trusted friends, family, or colleagues for support and perspective.
- Care for Your Body: A healthy diet, exercise, and sleep can bolster your recovery.
- Keep Evidence: In Ukraine, psychological abuse is a crime under domestic violence laws. Save messages, emails, recordings, photos, or videos—they could support a legal case.
Breaking free starts with recognizing the shadows for what they are—and stepping into the light.
